


Secret tears

by Nothofagus_antarctica



Category: Final Fantasy, Final Fantasy IV
Genre: Crying, Crying Alone, Gen, Moonlight, Night, Slice of Life, Tears, Those moments you wish the game had included some of, Uncomfortable Moments, When your head and your heart don't quite agree
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:28:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29193843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nothofagus_antarctica/pseuds/Nothofagus_antarctica
Summary: Edward waits for the cover of the night to let his emotions run free, unaware that a silent, but sympathetic gaze, is watching.
Kudos: 3





	Secret tears

_There you are, my Prince. Let go of that filthy thing, right this instant! And fix your posture. Come! Your parents must’ve mighty worried by now._

The memory had come out of nowhere. That time when, during a visit to a distant town (in the kingdom of Baron perhaps? Or was it in Mysidia? ), he’d managed to slip past his caretaker’s vigilance, and attempted to befriend a girl and a boy who played ball nearby. 

The long, blonde eyelashes closed down, only to rise up again, pupils set on the moons. The memory was clear as spring water: his back had straightened as the ball fell to the ground, and he’d mumbled some formal words of apology that his 5 year old mind didn’t fully understand, before stiffly bowing and rushing back to the adult’s shadow. 

Some ten years later, that same child would slip past the castle’s vigilance, instead. This time to travel the world, as a commoner -if unusually skilled- musician. 

The Prince of the fallen Damcyan sighed, eyes turning around to his sleepy companions. 

His insomniac tendencies were definitively worse than those of Cecil, which truly was something. _Impressive _, he thought in self-mockery. Well, if nothing else, Cecil had been noticeably less anxious since Rosa’s illness was cured, and the woman joined the ragtag team.__

__Harp in hand- always in hand, Edward’s gaze lowered again. Only two weeks ago, he’d still go fool around in the desert with Anna. They’d still visit random villages on sheer whim. And his parents agreed, even if hers didn’t, albeit the Queen and the King had told the young lovers that her father needed to know, they should quit being so stubborn, especially if marriage was within their immediate plans._ _

__Only a few days ago, life was as sweet as it could possibly be, and this made his eyes water._ _

__His travels as a bard had gotten him more used to sleep under the stars than any Prince had probably ever been; but all the same, his soul couldn’t help but _feel_ they were all still back there waiting for him. His parents, all the people in the castle, Anna herself, giving the tranquil town of Kaipo a sparkle of life that only she could- until he remembered. Again. It seemed his head had to remind his heart on a constant basis that his home was in ruins, that they were all gone, and that his life would never again be anywhere as sweet as it used to. _ _

__Silent tears ran down his cheeks, tears that he only shared with the night. Tears that nobody else could see, which would have to find their way to the lyre and translate into music notes when the others were looking. And even then._ _

__He’d never had trouble crying in front of others; he’d done it many times in Anna’s arms- even after something as nimial as reading a sad scene in a novel. She’d take him in her arms and let him do, holding him close until the tears subsided, her loving grin buried into his hair. Anna, unlike him, never cried at anything. She was much like her father, in that sense: her frustration turned to brash anger, rather than sadness._ _

__But Edward had now learned to cry in silence, too ashamed of himself, too afraid of being seen._ _

__After all, it was Anna who watched him from the Stars; and the night were her arms, embracing him whole._ _

__Anna, his beloved Anna._ _

__She did came to him, a few nights ago, and told him to fight, which he agreed to. He owed her that much, even if he couldn’t quite feel he owed it to himself._ _

__All he could do right now, was cry those silent tears, in remembrance and longing for all that was no more. And let the night -Anna- be complicit to his muted cry. A little bit of relief would eventually come- it always did._ _

__\---_ _

__Only a few meters away, Rydia watched at his sleepless friend, but dared not speak a word, or make any indication that she was awake at all. The moons were full, and the glimmering trails in both his cheeks were unmistakable. The Prince was crying, and had clearly waited for them all to fall asleep to do so. This made Rydia feel sad, and more than a bit guilty as well, for she knew why his tears had become a secret now. She’d shamed him for baring his grief, right after the collapse of his entire life was complete. She’d lashed at him out of fear, and shock, and confusion, and not really in an attempt to hurt the -then- stranger, now close friend. She related to that pain, and that unfiltered display of emotion had unknowingly thrown her off her own attempt at coping. She’d meant no ill, and she knew that neither did he, by concealing his sadness away from them. Still, she’d made damage to someone who was sensitive and kind hearted, and dared not speak the apology that she felt she owed._ _

__Was Edward the type who’d become angry at her? Who’d hate her? No, he certainly wasn’t. At all. Why was she _afraid _to speak with him, then?_ _ __

__

__

__The little girl groaned inwardly, trying to reason with herself._ _

__Maybe she should run and wrap him in a hug, like she’d done all those times when he was looking happier and would sing her a tale, or just talk with her; as eager to share his life stories as he was to hear her own. Never before had Rydia thought that an adult, besides her mother, would actively listen to her lively chatter._ _

__Maybe she should just go and say that she was sorry, that she didn’t mean to hurt him, and explain what she was feeling back then. She was sure it would be met with understanding._ _

__Why was this so difficult, then? So intimidating?_ _

__It seemed like Edward wanted to be alone, right now, and maybe he’d feel ashamed or uncomfortable if she tried to address the issue in this very moment. Maybe she’d just have to find the right place and moment to talk, and bring some relief to both their hearts._ _

__The girl swallowed._ _

__She’d have to gather the courage up, one of these days._ _

**Author's Note:**

> This was a work that came out pretty much by itself after an especially nice Yoga session. It just... happened, and I let it flow. Which probably means I will later fix typos/grammar and whatnot- I love when fics just come to me, and I have to type them down! I hope it turned out okay, and it's not too messy to read ^^ 
> 
> I adore FFIV, but I feel several things could've been adressed/handled better in game. And the way Edward is treated right after Anna's death breaks my heart.  
> While I genuinely don't think neither Cecil or Rydia were trying to harm him or be cold, they come up as unnecesarily harsh and invalidating, which gets me badly. I just wish the game had included a short scene with them later where his grief is respected or he's given given some emotional support, if even with a short sentence? peferrabily also including a group hug, haha (Tellah does validate him during their reconciliation, luckily though! But Tellah was abscent during the part that is most painful to me). Because they're all good people with a heart of gold, and I absolutely see everyone supporting each other through their collective traumas. But hey! That's what fanfiction is for, amirite? :D 
> 
> (also, I read somewhere that 75% of the originally planned content was cut for streamlining and story clarity... some of it got restored to the DS version -The parts with Golbez backstory, and the Baron trio childhood -but apparently there's still a ton more! Is it bad to want a FFIV anime BADLY? Because I'd die to get to see all that missing content)
> 
> Also, Edboy deserves to cry without being judged, and this is a hill I'm gonna die on. He's very much a gender non conforming boy, and deserves support and respect.
> 
> In the other hand, that which Rydia struggles for is something I've dealt myself with, until I was in my 20s... gathering the courage to talk about the uncomfortable things can be insanely difficult!
> 
> Why is Cecil not in this story? Because he's gonna be featured in a longer emotional fic that I've been writing for a while ^^ 
> 
> This bottom note was too long. Hope the story's enjoyable! <3


End file.
